


Weaving a Future

by fondofit



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 17:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2200464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fondofit/pseuds/fondofit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaz doesn't realize how time changes someone until it's already happened.</p>
<p>Ocelot knows how time can change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i.

“I don’t trust you.”

 

Ocelot chuckles low in his throat as he looks at the sun setting over the horizon. They’ve been lying low for almost two months now, him and Kaz, in the dusty, dry lands of rural Turkey. In another day they will have to move again, so they drink as the sun starts to set and the heat begins to taper off for the evening. He enjoys these quiet moments, as rare as they are, before he’s forced to do what he does best.

 

“Honestly, I don’t expect you to, Miller.”

 

His hand is wrapped around the small glass holding his liquor. The bottle of amber alcohol is shared between them on a small wooden table, the light’s reflection casting a warm glow on the grainy surface. They are far enough on the outskirts of a small village that no one would come looking. The riots happening in Turkey were enough of an excuse to keep him in the country for as long as he could, but he was running out of time and excuses. 

 

Cipher’s eyes were always on him.

 

“If you keep going down that road no one’s going to stand be around you.”

 

Ocelot shifts back in his seat, leg coming to rest atop of his knee.

 

“That’s the idea, isn’t it?”

 

\---

 

Kaz watches Ocelot out of the corner of his eye in the small flat they’ve called a home for the past two days in Mallorca. It’s incredibly humid outside, but only Ocelot is allowed by the window. He is currently speaking rapid-fire Russian to someone on the other end of the phone.

 

It’s surreal, this situation where Ocelot is the one who is in charge. He’s nothing like the Boss and he is nothing like Kaz, himself. He’s been in this spy business of his for too long, Kaz can tell by the way Ocelot acts around him. Almost surgical in his actions and banter. It’s hard to get any real information from him and it’s becoming increasingly frustrating to be around him at any given point in time.

 

Ocelot’s voice rises to almost a shout. He’s angry, Kaz is entranced by the outburst of emotion. He notes the crease in his brow and the mussed silver-blond strands of hair when he grabs and twists it in anger. Kaz can just barely hear a female voice on the other end. Ocelot never says the woman’s name, he’s played this game for years now, he knows how to avoid slip ups.

 

He hangs up with mumbled words and a slam of the receiver. It takes him a few deep breaths to calm down, but he looks up to Kaz looking like he has the world on his shoulders and shrugs.

 

Kaz never asks him what the conversation was about, but he hazards a guess that it was about Big Boss.

 

Everything Ocelot does is for Big Boss.

 

\---

 

It has been over a year of being in each other’s company. They’ve shared drinks, rooms, but never a bed. This time is different. They are in East Germany and the rented room is disgusting and the bed smells of mold, but there are at least three clean sheets separating them from it. They sleep in their clothes tonight, shoulder to shoulder with a warm bleach white comforter covering them.

 

After Kaz turns off the single ceiling lamp lighting the room, Ocelot turns to him and says in a half-asleep murmur, “If you start snoring and wake me up, I will murder you in your sleep.”

 

He doesn’t wait for Kaz to answer before drifting off to sleep.

 

\---

 

The first time Ocelot mentions Big Boss to him is in the middle of the night. Kaz isn’t sure if Ocelot knows he’s awake, but the man continues speaking without a restraint. He spoke of how he knows where Snake his being held for care, how his condition hasn’t changed…. how this whole situation was complete bullshit.

 

He spoke of how he hasn’t seen Snake since he had been with Zero. Cipher, he catches himself, no one calls him Zero anymore. They haven’t spoken except through correspondence letters and maybe a phone call or two, all business.

 

Kaz notices the bitterness in his voice. This is a man venting, so he lets Ocelot speak until Kaz curls over to face him in a groggy half-sleep at 4 o’clock in the morning. He reaches out and pulls Ocelot to him, feeling the other man freeze up under his arm. Kaz falls asleep half-spooning him that night.

 

Ocelot grumbles over coffee the next morning, “Remind me never to talk to you again.”

 

Kaz nearly spits his drink out before choking on his laughter.


	2. ii.

After a rough start, they begin to build a new Mother Base. Ocelot calls it a “beautiful nightmare.”

Kaz pokes Ocelot in the back of his knee with his foot to laugh at how bittersweet this is making him feel.

\---

Ocelot mentions to Kaz that he will be leaving Mother Base in his hands for a few days. He doesn’t mention why he’s leaving, but the tired look in his eyes tells Kaz that this is no ordinary errand. Kaz pats Ocelot on the shoulder and wishes him luck.

 The look that Ocelot gives him says that he’d better keep an eye out for his own self.

 ---

 After the permanent arrival of Big Boss in Mother Base and Kaz’s rescue, Ocelot has been keeping his distance from the both of them. It’s only after Kaz is cleared to leave the sick bay, that he comes across Ocelot staring out at the open ocean. There’s not much to look at, especially with an overcast sky and a calm sea breeze blowing. Kaz is using a crutch for now, just until he gets used to the prosthetic. Iit makes a clacking noise that he knows Ocelot can hear, but the man doesn’t turn in recognition when Kaz joins him by the railing.

 “Smooth recovery?”

 He sounds tired, Kaz notices. The tone of voice tells him that Ocelot is asking without letting on he’s already aware of the answer. He knows that Ocelot has been visiting his room while he’s asleep. Whether is was to pry Boss from his side for a decent amount of sleep or for his own concern, Kaz isn’t certain. His mind would like to think it was a mix of both.

 “As smooth as it could be. The nurses have been good to me.”

 Kaz can’t keep the smirk out of his voice. The remark makes Ocelot’s mouth twitch in a half smile.

 “I’d make a comment about being bedridden and sponge baths, but I’d really rather not go there.”

 Kaz laughs, feeling the itch to jab the other man in the side. After their travels, they’ve come to a sort of comfortable camaraderie, which involved a bit of simple physical touching and sarcasm. There was none of that right now, not with him gripping the crutch for balance.

 “The Boss did.”

 Once the words left his mouth, Kaz wondered if that had been the wrong thing to say. They never spoke of Big Boss outside of memories and now that he was physically there with them, neither were sure on how to act.

 Surprisingly, Ocelot actually laughs and places his hand at the small of Kaz’s back as he leans to him and mutters, “Now that I’d pay to see.”

 Kaz struggles to spin on his crutches to turn towards Ocelot, but by then the hand is gone and all that’s left are the echoes of the other man’s spurs and the questions he left behind.

 ---

 “What is this? An intervention?”

 Ocelot’s voice is incredulous and his hand rests on the doorknob to the office. He’s ready to bolt at any moment. Snake is sitting at the lone desk in the room, his hands steepled and features tired, almost sullen. He looks like he means business, which puts Ocelot a bit more on edge. Kaz, on the other hand, is half sitting, half leaning on the desk at a slouch, his hair slightly mussed. He’s letting it go a bit wild; a new look for a new man.

 “Hardly.” Kaz says, he doesn’t move from his spot and doesn’t make any motion other than the movement of an eyebrow from behind his sunglasses.

 Ocelot enters the room, wary of what might be awaiting him, but once the door closes Snake lets out a deep breath he must have been holding and Kaz visibly relaxes his pose. It takes Ocelot a moment to realize that they weren’t expecting him to stay despite the invite. They probably weren’t expecting him to show at all.

 Snake pulls a cigar from his desk and lights it with the skill of a man who has been doing so for years. He takes a long drag, stares at it for a moment and then holds it out to Ocelot. It sits there for more than a few moments before Ocelot’s gloved hands take it. He doesn’t smoke often, if at all, but he holds the cigar to his lips and breathes in. The smoky, rich flavor fills his mouth and burns through his lungs. He doesn’t cough, but the smell of it is almost overpowering enough to make him choke.

 He breathes out, away from Kaz, who hasn’t looked away from him for a moment.

 “So, what’s the occasion?”

 His voice sounds slightly raw, which he blames on the smoke.

 Snake looks like he’s not sure on how to proceed and, oddly enough, Kaz doesn’t fill the silence. He waits for their leader to continue. They were planning this little meeting for a while, Ocelot figures, taking another drag of the cigar. This time the flavor burns just a bit less, he holds it in his mouth just a little longer before allowing the smoke to escape from his mouth.

 There’s a frustrated sigh that come from Snake, probably having a hard time finding the right words to say. Ocelot thinks for a moment back to Eva, who liked to mention how Snake was always like this. And right now, he can’t help but agree. The man was always more action oriented than having a way with words, though when he did speak he would talk from the heart. He means everything he says, which was in part why he’s such a dangerous man.

 “Thanks. For everything.”

 Ocelot freezes when bringing the cigar back to his mouth. Well, he wasn’t expecting that.

 Kaz’s mouth pulls into a lopsided grin, but he doesn’t make the move to say anything. Snake looks at him, his gaze almost pinning Ocelot to the spot. The smell of the cigar is starting to get to him.

 It takes a moment before a grin appears on Snake’s face as laughs, “Now what’s this I hear about wanting to see me give Kaz a sponge bath?”

 Ocelot can feel his face warming up as he stares incredulously at Snake. He did not just say that. And, No, those noises weren’t Kaz trying to hold in his laughter and, no, Ocelot wasn’t contemplating running out of the room to get away from something stupidly flirty he said on a whim. The affectionate look on Snake’s face makes him feel like he’s going to die of mortification.

 “Get over here.”

 That was Kaz motioning him with his arm. He’s still leaning against the desk and Ocelot still has half a mind to run from the room, but he allows himself to walk towards Kaz. The man pulls Ocelot against him in an awkward hug and breathes in.

 Ocelot can barely hear the murmur of, “We owe you more than you’ll ever know.”

 He knows how much they owe him. He just doesn’t want them to know how in debt he is to either of them.

 ---

Ocelot is breathless when he growls out, “I can’t believe you did that.”

He’s on his back on the floor of one of the many training rooms in Mother Base. Snake is standing above him, breathing hard and a look in his eye that says, “Let’s keep going.”

Ocelot groans a bit as he picks himself of the floor, purposefully not making eye contact with Kaz on the other side of the room, as he goes back into the CQC pose he knows so well.

Snake strikes first, taking ahold of his left forearm, and pulling him close. Ocelot retaliates by bodily throwing his weight into the hold only to push with his opposite shoulder. The grip on his forearm loosens and he goes for Snake’s shoulders, pushing the man back while kicking his leg out to trip him. The movement leaves him slightly off balance, giving Snake the advantage, allowing him to feel the floor smack against his back once again.

“Goddamnit.” Ocelot breathes out, staring up at the ceiling for a moment as he tried to regulate his breathing. Fighting Snake always gave him a thrill; making him want to prove himself, to better himself.

A hand is held in front of him, with Snake leaning down, breathing heavily. He still hasn’t gained all of his bulk muscle back, but his frame is filling out and he has the same gleam in his eye the last time they fought each other. Ocelot rolls his eyes and suddenly places his hands on the man’s forearms and pulls, pulling the man forward, putting his foot on the other’s torso. Ocelot grins when he sees the shock in Snake’s eyes and hears the sharp intake of breath Kaz makes.

He flips the man over his body and laughs when he hears Snake land with a grunt.

Despite fatigue slowly creeping into his body, he feels more alive than ever.

\---

“Ocelot, you’re not going to believe this.”

Kaz is waiting at the door and the man in question looks up from a newspaper with a raised eyebrow.

“What? The Afghani news too enthralling for you to get away for a minute?”

“You say that as if whatever you’ve got is something I care about.”

Kaz grins as he goes to tug Ocelot by his arm away from the table to outdoors. Snake has been away with a mission that will bring them all a bit of money for Mother Base. This fulton thing was useful, but the amount of junk Snake decided to send back was becoming ridiculous. The first time a jeep was shipped over, Ocelot looked at Kaz in disbelief before the other man started laughing. He was almost in tears by the time Ocelot heard him say, “God, he always wanted to bring shit like this back to Mother Base.”

Ocelot can only assume that Snake sent something ridiculous to Mother Base. The animals were getting ridiculous, though useful in some ways, and the vehicles were great in the long run. But he really needed to think over what he decided to send back, especially since he was being charged for the service.

“I have it on good authority that you’ll like this.”

“Good authority?”

Kaz practically drags him to the open drop off area and in the midst of crates, a tank of petrol and four jeeps, was what the special item was.

Well, less of an item and more like another animal to be added to the growing Mother Base menagerie.

It was a Markhor.

A Markhor sat surrounded by all of the other things that Snake had sent back. It was a fluffy mess, the long fur was a knotted disaster, much like how the sheep came back after the initial plane ride, but it’s head was held so regally in the air. The thing was so adorable that Ocelot was at a loss as to what to do.

Kaz walks up to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close. Ocelot would have tensed up, but he was still in a state of shock. He couldn’t figure out how they even knew that he liked Markhor.

“A gift from the both of us.” Kaz almost whispers into his ear. “He’s your responsibility though.”

“Markhor aren’t dogs.” Ocelot coughs out as he shakes off Miller’s arm and walks towards the animal. He tries not to be threatening, but the Markhor looks straight at his approach. It doesn’t tense as much as it is on alert. So instead of getting too close, Ocelot sits on the ground and watches the mountain goat eat. The horns are a magnificent twist and he hasn’t seen a Markhor up close in decades.

He sits with the Markhor until sunset.

****  
  



	3. iii.

“Come here often?”

Two days of radio silence from Big Boss has left Kaz on edge. The little quip that came from his not-quite comrade-in-arms dug at what little patience he had left. He doesn’t make a move, but replies in a terse, “Not as often as I’d like.” He turns towards Ocelot when he hears his footsteps come close, joining him on the little space of rig he’s claimed temporarily as his own. He sighs in frustration before taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Kaz notices that there’s something off about Ocelot’s walk. With a sharp ear, he can tell the difference immediately. Ocelot has forgone his spurs today, which, Kaz thought, was downright odd. For as long as he could remember, the spurs were part of Ocelot’s daily ensemble.

Ocelot shrugs when he notices Kaz’s confusion. He looks down, tapping a heel and says,“The boots aren’t mine.”

Kaz’s face must have shown a reaction to his statement because he could almost feel Ocelot’s grin grow just a little wider.

“Now, there’s no need to concern your pretty blonde head, Kaz. I’m told the guy made it out ok after our little wager.”

Kaz can tell when he’s being goaded into an argument. A completely unnecessary one. One that, right a this moment, was not something he was willing to deal with. Ocelot was baiting him and he was torn between the need to ignore or react to it.

“And what exactly was the wager?” Kaz asks through his teeth as he brings his cigarette back towards his mouth.

And suddenly it wasn’t there. A hand had plucked it from his fingertips right before he was able to place it between his lips. Turning towards Ocelot, he heard him take a drag and exhale the smoke out towards the ocean. Kaz doesn’t move an inch as he feels the ire build within him.

He half listens to Ocelot as the he begins to go on about a good wager building camaraderie within the unit and how it helps keep the soldiers in good spirits while keeping them in line… some inane bullshit that just fills the air between them. Kaz always assumed that Ocelot likes to hear himself talk. The man’s not an idiot, he knows that, but he carries a sort of stupid bravado that was almost too…

Annoying and endearing at the same time.

“You could’ve asked, you ass.”

Ocelot stops mid-sentence and looks at Kaz, his brow furrowing a second before his attention turns back the cigarette in his hand.

“Ah.” He looks at it for a moment before he turns to lean his back against the railing, looking right at Kaz. “You mind if I keep it?”

“At this point, you might as well.” Kaz sighs, feeling the tension in his gut releasing. It’s really not much to get worked up for, but ever since the Boss had left them behind three days ago; two days with no word… Ocelot’s almost cat-like presence had been grating on his nerves.

Ocelot nods his thanks as he takes another long drag. They stay silent for the rest of the cigarette. Ocelot flicks the butt over the side of the railing into the ocean below before looking up with a grin at Kaz. He’s about to open his mouth when Ocelot pushes himself from the railing and places a hand on Kaz’s shoulder.

It’s not what Kaz expects him to do, but then again, he wouldn’t be Ocelot if he were a predictable man. Ocelot smiles as he leans in and breathes in deep. He doesn’t let go, but lightly pushes Kaz towards the exit.

Kaz, mind racing to make sense of what exactly Ocelot is doing stops to listen when the sharpshooter says, “C’mon, Kaz, let’s give ourselves some time to have a little fun while the boss is away.”

Kaz allows himself to be led back inside. He doesn’t forget that Ocelot owes him a cigarette.

\---

Kaz is already half-asleep when the door to his office opens and in staggers Ocelot. He feels his body shock itself into awareness when he realizes that Ocelot looks a little worse for wear and only settles back down into the seat when his intruder doesn’t seem to be panicked. It’s rare to have Ocelot barge in uninvited. He normally stays away from, what Kaz only assumes, is his own real quiet space. That or Ocelot already has full inventory of what’s in the room and there’s no need to go any further.

So when Ocelot sort of huffs and leans against his desk in what Kaz figures is exhaustion, the only thing he came up in response was, “Need a seat?”

Ocelot looks at him for a second, face flushed, eyes narrowed with focusing on catching his breath, before shaking his head.

“Give me a sec.” He growls out.

Kaz nods and goes back to looking at the paperwork he had stacked in front of him. The Boss will be back in a day and he wants to be sure he could get him up to speed with the goings on in the base during his absence. He hums to himself as he closes the binder, glad for that bit to be over with before blanching when he notices the manila folder with budget under it.

“Having fun?” Ocelot says as he looks over his shoulder. By now, he has calmed down quite a bit. He’s still sitting on the front of Kaz’s desk, with the look that he has no intention of moving any time soon.

Shaking his head, Kaz answers with a sigh and a deadpan, “Loads.” He puts the folder down. He wasn’t going to touch the budgets yet. “What exactly have you been doing?”

“We’ve got a new valuable member of our little outfit.”

Kaz makes a face at the word “outfit” but decides to ignore it and continue, “Another sniper?”

He doesn’t mean to sound put out, but he still doesn’t trust their new female recruit. He knows it’s Boss’s decision, but there’s something about her that puts him on edge. Ocelot let’s out a chuckle and shakes his head.

“No, this one’s a bit louder. More rambunctious.”

Kaz tips the sunglasses from their usual perch on the bridge of his nose and looks over the rims at Ocelot. “Rambunctious?”

“I’ll keep him a surprise for now.” Ocelot says as he pushes himself from Kaz’s desk. He gives a small wave before closing the door behind him, leaving Kaz more than a little bewildered about their new recruit.

\---

Kaz finds out their new recruit is a small pup named “D.D.” and not long after the Boss leaves for his next mission, does Ocelot bring the puppy to bed. The small body is snuggled between them and while Kaz is now, more or less, used to Ocelot sharing his sleeping space , the addition of the puppy is odd.

It takes him about a week to get used to it.

\---

Two months later, after a mishap involving Kaz being pushed onto the floor in the middle of the night, D.D. is banned from sleeping in Kaz’s bed.

\---

Tension is always high once Big Boss leaves Kaz and Ocelot to their own devices. They know they both influence Boss’s decisions, but there are times that both are just too stubborn to concede to the other. So smart quips and annoyances turned into biting words. It wasn’t long before Ocelot was dodging a left hook from Kaz. Which he countered by throwing his right fist into Kaz’s jaw. The shock of the action had them both staring at each other, on guard.

Kaz was feeling the sting and iron-wet taste of blood pooling against his tongue. He was angry he couldn’t hit back, not in the way he wanted to. He thought back to the Sauna and the Boss and the he could retaliate for his own peace of mind. His anger burned as he thought to how his arm and leg were taken away from him; how he couldn’t do much but stand there leaning heavily against the wall with his cane abandoned a couple feet away.

Ocelot, though, knowingly had the upper hand and closed in. He moved into Kaz’s personal space as Kaz brought his arm up to push him away trying to put some space between them. Kaz moves to throw his shoulder into him, but he loses his balance and stumbles. Ocelot has the sense to push him back, a loud thump against the metal wall.

Through gritted teeth and a hand gripping into Ocelot’s shirt, Kaz growls, “Step back.”

Ocelot’s sharp eyes look through the sunglasses that adorn Kaz’s face and he pushes forward just so slightly testing his boundaries. He could feel Kaz’s muscles underneath tense as he leans mere inches closer. He can feel the anger radiating against him, but instead of acquiescing to Kaz’s demand, Ocelot pushes. Kaz is about to say something, Ocelot can hear the bubble of words in the back of his throat, but he takes his chance in this moment. He leans his head in and presses his mouth against Kaz’s.

Kaz doesn’t struggle under him, he doesn’t freeze in surprise, but opens his mouth and leans in, pushing. Ocelot can taste the iron-wet tang of blood on his tongue. He shifts away enough to run his teeth along Kaz’s bottom lip. A simple scrape that doesn’t break the skin. He can feel Kaz’s breath hitch, so he moves back in, bringing his free hand to bury his hand in the hair on the back of Kaz’s head.

Kaz grunts as Ocelot’s fingers tug, pressing their faces closer to one another. He wants to gain the upper hand just once more, so he goes in and bites Ocelot’s lip hard. He feels the rumble of a groan echoing through Ocelot as he goes in again, tasting his own blood on Ocelot’s lips. He’s harsher, going in with a force that makes Ocelot lean back, stopping the kiss between them.

They stare at each other for a moment, gazes wavering in the moment before diving back in.

This time they don’t stop.

\---

Ocelot never sleeps through the whole night in Kaz’s bed. Kaz notices that at odd hours during the night, he will turn over and with a creak of the bedsprings leave the bed. He will pace throughout the room, usually silent, but sometimes speaking in what Kaz has come to recognize as Russian. He speaks quickly and angrily, but most of the time it with a weird stilted murmur that keeps him awake until Ocelot decides to go back to bed.

It doesn’t really take long for Kaz to recognize some of the words he’s repeating and eventually, he asks one of the men on base what some of the words mean. He was referring to a woman and the more he did it in the middle of the night under his breath, the more Kaz suspects “she” isn’t referring to anyone on this base.

He thinks about going to Big Boss. He changes his mind after he remembers Ocelot’s angry conversation with a woman years ago in Mallorca. He can’t leave the idea behind that whoever Ocelot is talking about may be the same woman. It’s far fetched, but the more he thinks on it the more he thinks he’s right.

So, this time he waits until Ocelot moves to roll out of bed and start his muttering. He’s wide awake, but Ocelot doesn’t seem to notice. He doesn’t say a word until Ocelot returns to the bed.

“Who is she?”

Kaz can almost feel Ocelot tense in surprise. After all this time, Kaz can admit that the man’s good at keeping his actions and emotions in check, but he really hadn’t been expecting this. Kaz is glad he has the upper hand.

“What’re you talking about, Miller?”

Kaz knows what he’s trying to do. So he continues with, “You’ve been getting out of bed, talking under your breath for months. You keep bringing someone up and before I go tell Boss about what’s going on, I decided to let this one get an explanation.”

It take a moment before Ocelot reacts. He sighs, looking as tired as he should be. But he shakes his head as he takes his place beside Kaz, leaning back into the pillow. “It’s an old acquaintance. Nothing to concern your pretty blond head about.”

“An old acquaintance…” Mutters Kaz. He doesn’t let this go though. “Eva?”

Ocelot doesn’t freeze, in fact he doesn’t make any sort of reaction to the name. He just looks over and says with a tired drawl, “What’re you getting at?”

Kaz opens his mouth to say something, but then he thinks on it and stops himself. At this point he knows he can only trust Ocelot as far as he can throw him, but the idea that he would turn on Big Boss is almost laughable. Especially, after going what they had been through these past months on base. But the name Eva brings back memories of MSF and the tapes he handed over. It’d make sense if Ocelot knew who she was, especially if it was someone from their past.

“Everything from his past keeps coming back.” Kaz says both to and not to Ocelot.

The room stays quiet for a while until Ocelot turns over and buries his face in the crook of Kaz’s neck. Kaz doesn’t mind the closeness, not this time, but he grunts a little when Ocelot nips lightly at the skin of his neck.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kaz says, leaning away just enough to give Ocelot more room.

Ocelot mutters into his neck, “Distracting you. Something she advised me to do more often.”

Kaz chokes out laugh as Ocelot continues... making a mental note to ask Big Boss about “Eva” later.


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess with actually playing the game, I'm going to use the timeline that's provided to us from now until the end. So fair warning for spoilers!

In the confines of what has now officially become his “interrogation room,” Ocelot meticulously takes apart his revolver; placing each piece on a clean cloth with such care and precision that one would think he’s being unnecessarily careful. He’d laugh at that. The intent was to clear his head and relieve some stress. Each piece representing a thought running rapidly through his mind. He takes his breathing in account, taking a deep breaths as each bit is wiped down from a muddled sheen to looking almost brand new. He takes good care of his revolvers. 

At about twenty minutes in this ritual, he hears an intruder on the other side of the door; the muffled, but familiar tap of a cane on steel cutting through the silence. It’s merely seconds before the door opens with a metallic creak. Ocelot stiffens slightly, but doesn’t turn towards the noise. He instead focused on the bits in front of him. He expected the interruption to come earlier.

It’s one thing for Ocelot to seek out Kaz (which happens often enough), but something entirely different when the other comes looking for him. It rarely happens, but when Kaz does end up seeking him out it’s usually when he’s out of reach of the Boss. With no one really to trust or turn to, he comes to Ocelot. He welcomes Kaz anyway.

The tapping of the cane becomes louder as Kaz makes his way closer to him. Ocelot mentally admits that the man may not be able to be a soldier again, but he still moves pretty quickly despite his disabilities. 

Ocelot waits for an interruption, but Kaz merely stands off to the side and watches. So, Ocelot continues until the revolver is whole again. Ignoring Kaz in the room is easy, it’s the thoughts running through his mind that distract him. He lifts the revolver and spins the barrel, entering each bullet with quick, practiced precision. He then stands back from the table, revolver in hand, and twirls it back into its holster.

No fancy show today. Half the reason he’s here taking apart his revolver is because of Kaz anyway. 

Kaz must have taken that as his cue because he makes his way to the table, standing on the opposite side, staring at Ocelot through sunglasses that make him feel as if he’s trying to be threatening.

Ocelot does not want to deal with this. In fact, right now he’d rather be alone with his own thoughts. His voice cuts through the air with a mild, sarcastic, “Can I help you?”

One thing he has learned about Kaz is that he’s quick to react as well as quick to judge. He’s pretty sure the attitude has gotten worse after his capture and rescue. Being a prisoner under duress can do that to some people. In the end, it’s hard to convince him to change his snappish opinions; like a stubborn old man. There are few who can reach through the barrier he puts up around himself. Ocelot is not one of those people. So he’s not surprised when Kaz leans forward to stick his angry face so close to his that he could feel the hot breath coming from his mouth.

“What gives you the authority to tell the Boss what to do.”

It takes all of Ocelots effort to keep from rolling his eyes. “You really wanna do this now? Honestly, that’s not my intention. The Boss can make his own decisions.” Ocelot pauses for a moment, Kaz has only moved a small bit back. He still looks pissed as hell, so choosing his words carefully looks like the best option to go forward with. “I’m merely giving him another option.”

The sneer on Kaz’s face would be almost laughable if the conversation weren’t so serious.

“Yeah, well he doesn’t need your _options_.” Kaz spits out. 

Ocelot lets the scoff escape. He really was not in the mood for this right now. “He does when the only option you’re giving him is ridiculous and paranoid.”

Ocelot can almost hear the growl in Kaz’s voice when he barks out, “You’ll regret it when she-”

“Listen!” He let his temper get the best of him. His retort is loud, echoing in the cavernous room. Kaz’s flinch back not only surprises him, but gives him a little satisfaction that the man is actually listening to what he’s saying. He knows Kaz will never trust him like he does the Boss, but he’s not expecting him to. He would, however, like to be respected as a fellow Diamond Dog comrade. “The Boss made his decision. If it comes to it, he will take her out. I trust him on this.”

“And if she gets to him first? Are we really willing to risk it? To have her on base is a mistake that we’re going to live to regret.” Kaz’s voice is still full of anger, his body shaking as he tries to hold the rage in.

“It’s a risk we’ll have to come to terms with. I’ll make sure she can’t touch the Boss.”

It’s now Kaz’s turn to scoff. “You really think you’d be able to tell when she’ll strike. We know nothing about her.”

“That’s exactly my point. We know nothing about her. We need to wait and see.”

“Waiting is what’s going to get everyone killed.”

“Listen,” Ocelot shakes his head. If his head weren’t so muddled right now, he could probably keep the argument going, but at this very moment… he needed a step back. Or a good, strong drink. “You know how the war game goes. I know you’ve been burned in more ways than one, but everything comes with risks in this business. And it all leads to one man’s decision. He made his, so go along with it.” Ocelot pauses. Kaz looks like he’s seething, but his demeanor calms when Ocelot finishes with, “For now.”

“ _Fine_.”

“Now would you leave me in peace for just a little while longer? I’ve got another gun to clean.”

Kaz still looks pissed, but the statement makes him crack a lopsided grin and with bitter laugh he replies, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

\---

In his office, Kaz stares ahead of him, aware of the bottle that was just placed on the table. 

“What is it?”

Ocelot’s voice smoothly replies, “Peace offering. Vodka. The best I could get out here without drawing attention.”

Kaz feels an incredulous laugh erupt from his mouth. “Yeah, sure, why not.”

Ocelot nods and locks the office door. 

\---

Seeing Emmerich brings Ocelot back twenty years to Tselinoyarsk and the trouble with Sokolov. In his line of work, defecting always serves a purpose. To the average person, it could be whether it could because of a number of reasons. For Sokolov, it was his family that drove him. For Emmerich though… this wasn’t the case. He’s hard to read and while Ocelot enjoys a challenge, there’s something about this man that makes him instantly dislike him.

“He’s my first suspect.”

Kaz stands behind him, back from the small walk he makes himself take every hour. To keep himself from going “stir crazy” was his reasoning. Ocelot thinks it more to stay sane in the heavy atmosphere of listening to the Boss during missions. 

Turning to look over his shoulder, Ocelot says, “Yeah?”

“Whether he admits it or not… he’s the reason we are here like this now. The reason our comrades are at the bottom of the ocean.”

It takes moment for Ocelot to respond. Kaz’s anger this time is tamed and focused, not like his anger with Quiet. She’s an outsider, Ocelot realizes, while Emmerich was one of them.

“I’ll make sure he’s stays sequestered.”

Kaz nods and waits for him to prepare for the interrogation.

“You’re going to stay for the whole thing then?”

“Honestly,” Kaz says, his voice a mix of anticipation, excitement and rage. Ocelot feels his mouth tug into a small smile, wondering if Kaz gets off a little when the whole revenge bender is going his way. “I can’t wait to see what his excuses are.”

Ocelot stands and gestures towards the door with a sweeping gesture, “After you then.”

Kaz snorts and makes his way out of the observation room towards the interrogation room. Ocelot follows, the smile disappearing into indifference once he reaches the door.

\---

A loud crash awakens Ocelot with a start. He makes to grab the revolver from the holster handing on the bed frame, but stops when the light from the hallway casts his recognizable intruder in an almost ethereal glow. His eyes wince with the brightness of the light, groaning as he brings his hand back to his face, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. He mutters out a low, groggy, “What the fuck, Kaz.”

Kaz doesn’t answer, but moves further into the room, hitting the chair he knocked over out of the way, and sits on the end of the small bed. The door automatically shuts behind him, casting the room back into total darkness. Ocelot watches as Kaz kicks off the shoe, struggles with the prosthetic he uses to walk, wincing when he hears the hard plastic drop to the floor along with the metallic clang of his cane.

Kaz undoes each piece of his clothing ensemble with a slow, precise deftness that keeps Ocelot’s attention.The overcoat goes first, pooling on top of his shoes, gun and holster go next, then comes the pieces of his suit until he is then shirtless. He strips off the belt, in such a way that Ocelot would be turned on if he weren’t half-asleep. Kaz then turns to Ocelot and says, “Move over.”

Ocelot blinks slowly and complies, moving enough to allow for Kaz to lie down. Ocelot moves to spoon up beside him, curling into the warmth of the other’s body. He feels himself drifting back to sleep before Kaz does, burying his face in his blond hair. Kaz’s hand grabs onto his forearm hard, pulling him in closer and Ocelot responds with a throaty groan in acquiescence. 

After all, he is more than happy to give Kaz a rude awakening first thing in the morning.


	5. v.

Three days have passed with being cooped up inside Mother Base on account of a Tropical Depression moving through the area. On the first day, hard rain and high winds kept everyone on their toes to make sure the Base took no lasting damage. The second day, while the storm was considerably weakened, they still saw heavy rainshowers. Strong enough to keep everyone indoors. It was enough that the heavy sheets of rain could be heard echoing throughout the metal interior of the base 24-7. The problem was, being stuck indoors made Kaz restless. He made it a point to go out to walk, to observe the men and women at their tasks at least once a day. Presence was always important to have in a leader, but being stuck inside the main Command Platform was not his ideal way to spend a day; two days even less so.

It was on the morning of the second day that Ocelot came walking into Kaz’s office looking like he tried fighting the storm and lost. Ocelot’s hair was matted to his face, his clothes clinging to him like a second skin, but what had set Kaz off in a fit of laughter was the squishing noise his boots made when he walked into the room.

He had up laughed so hard that he had to wipe tears from his eyes, choke back a sob, while nursing the cramp that developed in his side. All the while, Ocelot was angrily toweling himself off. The offending boots thrown towards the door.

It just so happened that the consequences of laughing at Ocelot’s expense was that the man hadn’t left him alone since. It was like having a shadow with spurs and by this point, day three, the metallic clanging noise of them bumping up against the metal floor was starting to drive him up the wall.

It’s only now, in Kaz’s office thirty hours later, where they sit in a semblance comfortable silence. 

In the monotonous noise of rain falling against the windows on the Command Post, Kaz has had to make do with little tasks here and there to keep himself from being bored to tears. Since the storm started two days ago, he had been waiting for a call from the Boss. He’s well aware of the radio silence which comes hand in hand with missions, but the storm hasn’t been the best circumstances for keeping contact. Kaz couldn't help but be a little worried. He knows the Boss would call when either Ocelot’s or his intel was needed, but the unease never went away. His companion, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be worried at all. He had initially skimmed over a few intel files before coming across a large book. Kaz couldn’t see the faded title, but it must have piqued his interest since he has been engrossed in reading it for the past two hours. 

It’s mid-afternoon when Kaz finishes what he had intended to spend most of his day on, so instead of focusing on more paperwork, he stands and starts pacing back and forth. He feels the need to move and being stuck inside makes him feel uncomfortable. While he walked the length of the room, he would stop and stare out the window, watching the sheets of rain coat the glass, seeing the guiding lights flash their orange warning glow. Then he would turn his attention away from the outdoors and towards Ocelot . 

Since the Boss’s return, he really hadn’t had much time to observe Ocelot. He knows how he takes his duties on base, how he works with the men and women to train them as best he can. He is strictly professional with them, taking everything seriously to a point where he could almost be considered overbearing. There are these moments, Kaz notices, where Ocelot would get this look on his face. A look that definitely wasn’t meant to be seen by just anyone. Kaz couldn’t be sure, but he could swear the man looked _wistful_. it hard to believe if he hadn’t seen something like similar on Ocelot’s face when they had been working together during the Boss’s coma.

He doesn’t notice he’s been staring until Ocelot turns his head to look back at him with a lazy grin on his face. Kaz looks away almost immediately.

“Like what you see?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Ocelot marks the page in the book and turns his attention to Kaz. He leans back in the chair with the stupid satisfied smile still on his face and Kaz feels the urge to punch him in the jaw to wipe it off. He can hear the smarmy reply about to come when a sharp noise comes from the intercom radio nearby. Ocelot jumps up before Kaz could react in time to answer the call.

“Commander Miller, sir. This is Pequod. We’ll returning to Mother Base shortly.”

“Got it, Pequod. Bring the Boss back safely.”

“Huh? Uh, Yes! Ocelot… Ye-yes, sir.”

“Kaz, let-- hey wait up!”

Kaz is already making his way out the door, ignoring Ocelot’s attempt to keep him from leaving so quickly. He turns around to face Ocelot, to tell him that there’s no need for the both of them to welcome the Boss back and that he can handle everything, but he never gets a chance. He feels something, someone, collide into his side from around the corner of the hall. He hears the startled yelp of the soldier and Ocelot’s curse echoing through the hall. Kaz can’t seem to catch himself in order to keep from falling. He knows Ocelot is the one that catches him, his arm wrapped around his torso, Kaz’s head is close enough to the man’s chest that he can hear the reverberation of his voice, reprimanding the soldier. It takes Kaz a moment to gather his bearings and with a bit of a lift, he’s back up, gripping his cane for reassurance that the fall was not completely his fault. The soldier apologizes profusely before Ocelot shoos them away with threats of toilet duty.

“You drop these?”

Kaz looks over to see Ocelot holding his sunglasses in one hand. It comes as a shock to him, he didn’t notice they had fallen off of his face. He mutters a “thanks” as he expects them to be given back, placed back to their rightful home on the bridge of his nose. Instead, Ocelot takes hold of his chin and brings it so their faces level with each other.

“What the hell are you doing? Let go-”

“Kaz.” 

Kaz freezes and slowly makes eye contact with Ocelot. The emotions that cross the other’s face range from curiosity to concern. Kaz doesn’t like the scrutiny and roughly pulls his head away from the other’s grip. 

“Kaz, what the hell--”

Kaz doesn’t let him finish. “Give them back.”

“Not until I get an answer.”

“Ocelot. Give them back. _Now_.”

He can see the hesitancy in Ocelot’s actions, but feels relief flood through him when he complies. Kaz could feel the nervous pounding of his heart as he watches the shades being placed back to their resting spot on the bridge of his nose. His world tinting to the hue of orange-brown he was so used to. Instead of saying anything more, Kaz moves to continue down the hall… Only to be stopped as Ocelot bodily blocks his way. He brings a hand up to grip his jawline firmly and stares into his eyes. He’s leaning in too close, Kaz thinks, much too close.

“How long?”

Kaz doesn’t know how to answer. How long has it been since he noticed the dimmed, blurred vision? The constant headaches that come when trying to get his eyes to focus on intel reports? Or how long has it been since he noticed the cloudiness in his eyes when he looked at his reflection in the mirror? By now it’s been far too long. He’s not going to add another one of his burdens on the Boss’s shoulders. He refuses to become a burden.

“Too long.”

Ocelot’s grip loosens and Kaz steps back, grateful for the opportunity to create space between them. 

“You should still get them checked.”

The concern in Ocelot’s voice carries through the hallway more than it should. Maybe it’s all in Kaz’s head, but he really doesn’t want to know how much Ocelot may or may not care. What matters right now, is that the Boss is currently on his way back and he needs to be there to greet him.

“Let’s go. We’re already late.”

He turns away towards the exit, not waiting to see if Ocelot follows behind him, but he’ll admit that he’s happy to hear the spurs clack a few steps behind him.

\---

Kaz can’t hear anything over the rush of noise ringing in his ears, but he feels sharp teeth biting into the crook of his neck and the lick of a hot tongue running over sensitive skin. He remembers the Boss, no, Snake before MSF, and the chokehold that sealed his fate. Depriving him of his choices for the future. He feels the fury build up inside him, for everything he lost. He brings himself back to now in the moment. Sitting on a chair in Ocelot’s torture observation room with said inquisitor in his lap. That burning anger slowly releasing itself with every breath he shakily exhaled.

He allows himself to give into the sharp pain of the next bite, the tight grip of the hair at the nape of his neck, the leg digging uncomfortably into his inner thigh. He feels a noise rumble in his chest, but a leather clad hand suddenly covers his mouth, muffling the groan that escapes his lips. He bites hard at the palm covering his lips, tasting leather, reveling in the answering hiss he feels against his skin. In one fluid motion, the hand is replaced with a mouth that responds back with an enticingly slow bite, teeth dragging hard against his lower lip. He distinctly feels the knee pushing closer towards his crotch, the heat of the movement making his whole body feel flush with excitement. 

He’d like to say it has been too long, but he’d be lying to himself.

\---

Children don’t belong in a war zone, but bringing them here to the base is better than the alternative. Even though the base itself is no safe haven from war and its casualties.

“Bringing those kids back here is going to be a problem.” Ocelot warns him over the radio. 

Kaz knows he’s right, but what other choice to they have? 

\---

“You know how I said the kids are going to be trouble?”

Kaz looks over towards Ocelot and nods. It was only a week and a half ago. He doesn’t regret the Boss’ decision to bring them here. Ocelot gave no sign of protest other than over the radio, but perhaps it was because underneath everything, it was the better of the choices available to them.

“Well, Eli is going to be at least ten times worse.”

Kaz doesn’t ask to elaborate. With Eli’s hostile actions after arriving at Mother Base, he can’t help but agree with Ocelot on this one. They’re going to have to keep a close eye on him.

\---

It takes Kaz a little more than an hour to track down and pinpoint Ocelot’s current location within the entirety of Mother Base. He tried contacting him through radio transmission, but was met with silence. He asked his personal team if they knew of his whereabouts and was met with shrugs and ignorance. It wasn’t their fault he was nowhere to be found, but Kaz snapped at them, giving them a week's worth of cleaning duties as punishment.

To be fair, the R&D platform was the one of the one of the last places on his list of where he thought to find him. When a call came in from one of the guards on the platform, he’d almost thought the soldier was lying. Other than to retrieve Huey for questioning, there was really no reason for Ocelot to be on the R&D platform, or so he thought.

_“No, sir. He’s been here for the better part of the morning. I think he’s taking a look at the AI pod that arrived last night.”_

This is how Kaz found himself on the main R&D platform, the sound of the AI’s unnerving speech filling the air, reminding him of the Peace Walker Incident. Sadness, regret and the slow burning rage that fill his thoughts rush through him. He can’t let his feeling control him, but it’s hard not falling into that crutch. So instead of taking his own action, he sends the Boss on missions, hoping it will bring them all one step closer to taking down Skullface.

He pulls out a keycard and swipes it on the panel outside the hangar. The door to the side entrance opens, thankful that there was some sort of way he could reach the inner holding area without having to struggle climbing up five flights of stairs. He’d never make it down the ladder to the hangar anyway.

Inside, he notices the pod first, sticking out like a sore thumb on it’s platform. Huey insisted it stay within R&D. He needed it to continue his research to benefit to them had been his excuse, or something to that extent. There was no real reason to put it anywhere else, so here it sat weathering against the elements and and making most of the soldiers on guard duty feel uneasy. 

It’s not until a few steps closer did Kaz notice Ocelot sitting on the small stairwell leading up to the pod’s platform. He was leaning against the railing, his eyes closed, basking in the morning sun. The voice of the pod echoing unnervingly through the air, Kaz was surprised that Ocelot could relax in an atmosphere like this.

Kaz moves towards him, his trek making his presence known with the loud tapping of his cane, though he was sure that Ocelot knew he had been there since the door opened. Ocelot tips his head to the side, his eyes still closed, as if waiting for him to get closer before starting their conversation.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of you interrupting my morning constitutional?”

Kaz snorts, moving the cane to tap Ocelot on the leg. 

“You’re not walking or taking a shit, so you can say I’m not interrupting anything, smartass.”

Ocelot cracks an eye open, squinting up at Kaz before resting his head back against the railing with a sigh. “Come on, Kaz. I take one little break from the usual morning routine and I have you hunting me down faster than those wolves we’re looking after. What’s eating you this morning?”

He’s about to respond to the remark, but is cut off by the pod repeating “kill me.” As unnerving as it is, Ocelot seems to pay it no mind. Waiting for Kaz to give him an answer.

“I’m going to need you to help me with something. We need to question Huey… again.”

“Sure thing.” Ocelot says slowly, as if he knew that hadn’t been the real reason for hunting him down this morning. Kaz doesn’t saying anything, but watches as Ocelot makes a bit of show of shifting his body away from his position of resting against the bars in order to stretch and stand. He looks back at the pod as Kaz watches him, curious as to what he thought of it. 

“You knew her, didn’t you?”

Ocelot snorts, muttering, “Yeah, something like that.” He begins to walk down the steps and towards the exit, Kaz joining him a few steps behind him. They continue to the car parked that would lead them back to the Command Platform. Ocelot takes the driver’s side, calling out, “Get in, Miller,” as he starts the engine.

Kaz hesitates for a few seconds before joining him in shotgun. He takes off his hat and holds it in his hand, the crutch wedged in between his seat and the gear shift. They start off with a bit of a jolt, but the ride smooths out after the first couple of seconds. Kaz is relieved for the silence between them. Instead, he listens to the wind blowing, the growling of the engine and the rolling of the ocean waves. By the time they reach the second outpost, the car is slowing down to a sputter and Ocelot kills the engine. Kaz turns to look at him, assuming the man had good reason to stop out here.

“How much did the Boss... Snake, tell you about her?”

It takes him a second to realize that Ocelot is referring to The Boss when he said “her.” Thinking back, other than the AI pods, he really didn’t go into too much detail with him about his connection to her. Sure, they’ve all heard the story of what he did to gain his title. And really, it doesn’t take much to see how her death affected him. But to actually talk about her? Who she was as a person? No, the Snake never did that. That was more down Strangelove’s alley.

“To be honest, not much. Other than hearsay, I can only piece together who she was, but even then…” Kaz pauses, he glances at Ocelot, but the man isn’t looking at him. Instead his focus is out towards the sea. He cocks his head to the side, waiting for Kaz to continue. “She definitely comes across as one of those people who was larger than life. A real legend.”

Ocelot scoffed as he turned to look at Kaz, if there was word to describe what he looked like, it would be bitter. The look was fleeting, whatever emotions he had on his face disappeared as his focus once again went to the wheel in front of him. With a twist of his wrist, the car revved to life once again. 

“I’ll say this once, Kaz.” He watches Ocelot mull over the words on the tip of his tongue. He had to choose his words carefully and whatever it was, it obviously wasn’t easy for him to say aloud. “The Boss… was definitely loyal to her cause. Above all else, she was that.” He pauses for a second, a wry smile appears on his face, as if an old memory came back to mind. “A person like that touches everyone involved with her in one way or another. I can’t say I came out unscathed. Her ideals and actions were the same. The combination of the two almost toxic for anyone else involved with her. If you think about it, we’re still following the after effects of her death decades later.”

He looks at directly at Kaz, the smile dropping from his lips. “Whatever she wanted… I didn’t know her personally for long, but she would have never wanted what Cipher is created.” 

He sits for a moment, Kaz listening intently, watching as Ocelot shook his head and continued their ride to the Command Platform. Not knowing what else to say, Kaz turns his attention back towards the ocean. He decides to leave The Boss out of their conversations from now on.


End file.
